a game of taking vs. taking

Maybe it was the change in weather, or possibly the actual feeling of the sun’s warm rays. It’s hard to say when you look back, but the last few days have been quite wonderful to me as far as mentality goes. It was like turning over a rock and finding a buried treasure in this city that just seems to keep taking from me what I didn’t know I had to lose. New York is great, but even when you are on guard this city just eats away at you and before you know it you are looking around for the reason you came here in the first place.
I always thought of myself as an artist, my creativity is what keeps me going in life and I want to put it to use but I seem to be buried in ideas and obligations. It is no excuse, but I keep getting bogged down with the things that matter and the things that don’t and wind up back where I started, jobless and looking to start a new career. I nearly found myself in this situation once again last week, after much negative treatment from my superiors and a physical lack of actual work yet no decrease in the hours I was required to put in just overtook the mentality that I spoke of earlier and I nearly left it all to start anew. It is very strange when you look back on things like this because so many times in life things change before your eyes and you can’t help but wonder how it could have been. But what happens when it all falls into place and you seem destined to change course yet things change in your outlook and you forego your initial conclusion?
I hope this works overall for this city because I am very homesick most of the time I wander from street to street hoping to see something or someone that reminds me of Minnesota. It is hard to get by thinking this way but I miss the connection I had with Minneapolis, I knew those streets so well I should have been a travel guide. I explored what I wanted to know and stayed away from what was too much to handle. All in all I became a part of Minneapolis, and that will always be with me like some people feel for New York. I am still looking for that connection here, not that it is not visible but a physical reason to make a connection with this city. So far I don’t have a lot of positive stories, and I feel like it is changing the way I look at things. The other day I didn’t acknowledge a man who was looking for ‘help’ of some kind on the street. What he wanted, or needed, was beyond my range of abilities at that moment and I ignored him like a sign in a window, yet I can’t help but think back to my days in Minneapolis when I would stop what I was doing to go above and beyond this persons plea. It might just have been a little money for food, or even someone to talk to for a time about life and our situation in it. That probably would have made me feel a lot better about myself come to think of it, but getting back to my point about New York is that because I have experienced this to such a degree here I just blow these people off now and I can’t help but wonder is this the reason people love this city so much? That you gain the ability to ignore the things that don’t interest you, does working your way from the bottom up really apply to any city in the world or did it get its name impression from New York, is fighting for a worthy cause a fight or just an act of aggression against your beliefs, and does it matter who you were before you got here? In a number of ways I can honestly say no to all of these, but since my recent mental improvement I question this answer, and the questions.
I’ve never been one to stereotype others, just myself, but I am left wondering has my ability to avoid this become a reality?