Sunday, May 2, 2010
Sunday, October 25, 2009
anniversaries
On October 22nd 2005 I met a woman that I wanted to get to know more. It wasn't an immediate connection, both of us had baggage, and each of us had hesitations of getting involved at that time. But something happened that night that neither or us could explian. It wasn't love, but it was something to believe in.
Three years ago on October 22nd I was living with this woman in the same city we had met. We celebrated by visiting the venues we liked and just enjoying Minneapolis for all it had to offer.
Two years ago on October 22nd we were shopping in a fancy jewlery store in Downtown Minneapolis searching for something special. It took a good hour before my eyes were drawn to one ring in particular, and the second she put it on we both knew we had found the perfect one.
One year ago on October 22nd we were preparing for our first winter in New York City. Compared to Minnesota we didn't know what to think, but we were anxious and eager to see what the city had to offer the engaged newcomers.
On October 22nd of 2009 I woke my wife with the words 'Happy Anniversary' not knowing what to expect from the remains of the day. That afternoon I recieved a call from Starbucks about a job offer, I responded by giving my employer Dean & Deluca my two weeks notice.
It is hard to remember specific dates in life and how they effect your everyday activities, but I know that October 22nd will forever be remembered as the day that life gives me hope.
Three years ago on October 22nd I was living with this woman in the same city we had met. We celebrated by visiting the venues we liked and just enjoying Minneapolis for all it had to offer.
Two years ago on October 22nd we were shopping in a fancy jewlery store in Downtown Minneapolis searching for something special. It took a good hour before my eyes were drawn to one ring in particular, and the second she put it on we both knew we had found the perfect one.
One year ago on October 22nd we were preparing for our first winter in New York City. Compared to Minnesota we didn't know what to think, but we were anxious and eager to see what the city had to offer the engaged newcomers.
On October 22nd of 2009 I woke my wife with the words 'Happy Anniversary' not knowing what to expect from the remains of the day. That afternoon I recieved a call from Starbucks about a job offer, I responded by giving my employer Dean & Deluca my two weeks notice.
It is hard to remember specific dates in life and how they effect your everyday activities, but I know that October 22nd will forever be remembered as the day that life gives me hope.
Monday, October 19, 2009
'Muhammad and Larry'
I got a chance to see the advance screening of this tonight presented by ESPN as one of the 30 for 30 series they are producing. It takes place in 1980 and recaps the fight between Muhammad Ali, two years retired at the time, versus Larry Holmes, Ali's former sparing partner.
The film never got released to the public because nobody was interested in airing it, so the cinematographers Albert and David Maysles shelved it until someone wanted to show it. Tonight the film was screened with added footage taken place in the last few years with interviews and a round table discussion about the effects of the fight with boxing writers from that day. All in all I felt moved by the style and grace of the film and boxers for their professionalism and character. They loved the sport and were willing to give everything for it because it meant that much to them as athletes and friends.
The portrait is sad at times for its realism of the subject matter, but the brutality is overshadowed by the quality of people Muhammad and Larry were then and now, and Larry was present at the screening to discuss what he thought of the film as well as the fight itself.
He loved the pace of it all and appreciated recognition for being a heavyweight champion, because as a boxer he doesn't get much attention for being the man who defeated the legend. He is a quality boxer and has deserved a lot in his life, but never asked for it and never tried to change the imprint the fight had on his life. He knew then what was going to happen in the ring and still went ahead because that is what he does, just like Ali does.
Afterward I shook Larry's hand and told him that I heard about him growing up but never was able to put an accurate photo with the name, but after seeing the film I will never forget his name and what he did for boxing in the the best way possible. He smiled and shrugged it off, but I hope he know that this film is going to cement his career as the epitome of what a boxer should be and one of the best that ever went in the ring.
The film never got released to the public because nobody was interested in airing it, so the cinematographers Albert and David Maysles shelved it until someone wanted to show it. Tonight the film was screened with added footage taken place in the last few years with interviews and a round table discussion about the effects of the fight with boxing writers from that day. All in all I felt moved by the style and grace of the film and boxers for their professionalism and character. They loved the sport and were willing to give everything for it because it meant that much to them as athletes and friends.
The portrait is sad at times for its realism of the subject matter, but the brutality is overshadowed by the quality of people Muhammad and Larry were then and now, and Larry was present at the screening to discuss what he thought of the film as well as the fight itself.
He loved the pace of it all and appreciated recognition for being a heavyweight champion, because as a boxer he doesn't get much attention for being the man who defeated the legend. He is a quality boxer and has deserved a lot in his life, but never asked for it and never tried to change the imprint the fight had on his life. He knew then what was going to happen in the ring and still went ahead because that is what he does, just like Ali does.
Afterward I shook Larry's hand and told him that I heard about him growing up but never was able to put an accurate photo with the name, but after seeing the film I will never forget his name and what he did for boxing in the the best way possible. He smiled and shrugged it off, but I hope he know that this film is going to cement his career as the epitome of what a boxer should be and one of the best that ever went in the ring.
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Today will be a good day... no, great day. I convince myself of this morning and afternoon alike hoping to change my outlook on what is in store, but somehow I wind up not focusing on today at all but on what I am doing tomorrow. Is that normal? It is one thing to be so focused on the moment that you lose touch with people, but what about someone who focuses on their near future more than their present?
I decided that I am going to change that today, no longer will I dwell on tomorrow or next week and put my daily checklist aside. Planning for the future is one thing, but prepping for it daily seems a little compulsive.
I decided that I am going to change that today, no longer will I dwell on tomorrow or next week and put my daily checklist aside. Planning for the future is one thing, but prepping for it daily seems a little compulsive.
Thursday, June 4, 2009
Monday, February 2, 2009
a game of taking vs. taking
Maybe it was the change in weather, or possibly the actual feeling of the sun’s warm rays. It’s hard to say when you look back, but the last few days have been quite wonderful to me as far as mentality goes. It was like turning over a rock and finding a buried treasure in this city that just seems to keep taking from me what I didn’t know I had to lose. New York is great, but even when you are on guard this city just eats away at you and before you know it you are looking around for the reason you came here in the first place.
I always thought of myself as an artist, my creativity is what keeps me going in life and I want to put it to use but I seem to be buried in ideas and obligations. It is no excuse, but I keep getting bogged down with the things that matter and the things that don’t and wind up back where I started, jobless and looking to start a new career. I nearly found myself in this situation once again last week, after much negative treatment from my superiors and a physical lack of actual work yet no decrease in the hours I was required to put in just overtook the mentality that I spoke of earlier and I nearly left it all to start anew. It is very strange when you look back on things like this because so many times in life things change before your eyes and you can’t help but wonder how it could have been. But what happens when it all falls into place and you seem destined to change course yet things change in your outlook and you forego your initial conclusion?
I hope this works overall for this city because I am very homesick most of the time I wander from street to street hoping to see something or someone that reminds me of Minnesota. It is hard to get by thinking this way but I miss the connection I had with Minneapolis, I knew those streets so well I should have been a travel guide. I explored what I wanted to know and stayed away from what was too much to handle. All in all I became a part of Minneapolis, and that will always be with me like some people feel for New York. I am still looking for that connection here, not that it is not visible but a physical reason to make a connection with this city. So far I don’t have a lot of positive stories, and I feel like it is changing the way I look at things. The other day I didn’t acknowledge a man who was looking for ‘help’ of some kind on the street. What he wanted, or needed, was beyond my range of abilities at that moment and I ignored him like a sign in a window, yet I can’t help but think back to my days in Minneapolis when I would stop what I was doing to go above and beyond this persons plea. It might just have been a little money for food, or even someone to talk to for a time about life and our situation in it. That probably would have made me feel a lot better about myself come to think of it, but getting back to my point about New York is that because I have experienced this to such a degree here I just blow these people off now and I can’t help but wonder is this the reason people love this city so much? That you gain the ability to ignore the things that don’t interest you, does working your way from the bottom up really apply to any city in the world or did it get its name impression from New York, is fighting for a worthy cause a fight or just an act of aggression against your beliefs, and does it matter who you were before you got here? In a number of ways I can honestly say no to all of these, but since my recent mental improvement I question this answer, and the questions.
I’ve never been one to stereotype others, just myself, but I am left wondering has my ability to avoid this become a reality?
I always thought of myself as an artist, my creativity is what keeps me going in life and I want to put it to use but I seem to be buried in ideas and obligations. It is no excuse, but I keep getting bogged down with the things that matter and the things that don’t and wind up back where I started, jobless and looking to start a new career. I nearly found myself in this situation once again last week, after much negative treatment from my superiors and a physical lack of actual work yet no decrease in the hours I was required to put in just overtook the mentality that I spoke of earlier and I nearly left it all to start anew. It is very strange when you look back on things like this because so many times in life things change before your eyes and you can’t help but wonder how it could have been. But what happens when it all falls into place and you seem destined to change course yet things change in your outlook and you forego your initial conclusion?
I hope this works overall for this city because I am very homesick most of the time I wander from street to street hoping to see something or someone that reminds me of Minnesota. It is hard to get by thinking this way but I miss the connection I had with Minneapolis, I knew those streets so well I should have been a travel guide. I explored what I wanted to know and stayed away from what was too much to handle. All in all I became a part of Minneapolis, and that will always be with me like some people feel for New York. I am still looking for that connection here, not that it is not visible but a physical reason to make a connection with this city. So far I don’t have a lot of positive stories, and I feel like it is changing the way I look at things. The other day I didn’t acknowledge a man who was looking for ‘help’ of some kind on the street. What he wanted, or needed, was beyond my range of abilities at that moment and I ignored him like a sign in a window, yet I can’t help but think back to my days in Minneapolis when I would stop what I was doing to go above and beyond this persons plea. It might just have been a little money for food, or even someone to talk to for a time about life and our situation in it. That probably would have made me feel a lot better about myself come to think of it, but getting back to my point about New York is that because I have experienced this to such a degree here I just blow these people off now and I can’t help but wonder is this the reason people love this city so much? That you gain the ability to ignore the things that don’t interest you, does working your way from the bottom up really apply to any city in the world or did it get its name impression from New York, is fighting for a worthy cause a fight or just an act of aggression against your beliefs, and does it matter who you were before you got here? In a number of ways I can honestly say no to all of these, but since my recent mental improvement I question this answer, and the questions.
I’ve never been one to stereotype others, just myself, but I am left wondering has my ability to avoid this become a reality?
Saturday, January 24, 2009
The things we do before we think
What is it about this city that just drowns out the people in it? All the noise, commotion, movement, electricity just loses its potency with time. I’m not talking about weeks, or even days, and hour in this city is like a month in Minnesota time. The ebb and flow of it all is exhausting when you actually pay attention to it and I am starting to wonder what became of the time that affects this.
People laugh and cry all on one street, the scream in fear and shout in excitement, day and night, morning and evening. This city never stops moving and doesn’t seem to show any signs of slowing down. I never imagined it could be the way it is until I actually lived it, or drowned in it. I worked and slept, ate when I could and tried to have hobbies but all in all the last five months were just lost time in a city that swallows anything and everything that succumbs to it.
I can’t say I was part of the madness that is New York, but I was in it. What I mean is that I wasn’t one of the people that looks for a muse and preys on all that presents itself. But I like to think of myself as a muse, and was looking for something to present itself to me when in actuality I was being presented. It was a feast for the ages, I gave everything to a grocery store that promised things which it couldn’t deliver. Four months of nothing to show except a high profit margin and increased sales, but that doesn’t apply to me so much as it does my boss who actually managed to do very little work aside from the ordering of merchandise and scheduling of employees for our department. It makes me wonder why I even bothered trying so hard as if there was some light at the end of the tunnel. I thought there would be, but now the holidays are over and the only light I can see is the brief glimmer of sun on occasion if I happen to walk down the right street during the day and it isn’t cloudy.
That last paragraph is me in a nutshell over the last five months, and it is embarrassing to summarize myself in such short context, but in truth I would only be kidding myself if I tried to add things to it. I did work a day on a film set, which turned out to be a bad idea because I was getting in a similar environment where I do all the work but then can’t be in the room when the camera starts rolling. I also filled out a handful of applications for graduate schools and a program for the Director’s Guild of America, and I did a lot of writing for these but it really was exhausting and now I am in the waiting stages for this process so I don’t have much to show or be proud of except a few documents and ideas. All that and nothing more, encompassing five months in a city that doesn’t sleep. I myself have been getting relatively good sleep, but I think I need to sacrifice some of that so that I can get more done with my time because I still don’t know what I am going to do with my life after this.
I will admit one thing though, this is the only city where you can physically disappear like this. It is not always a good thing, but every now and then I just walk around the busy streets and listen to other people’s problems and realize that maybe my life isn’t so terrible. This therapy is very conducive, and it makes me forget about what I was fretting over, and I have the city to thank for it. It doesn’t quite solve my problems, but it allows me to move on from them by realizing my faults.
After all, I have my health and connections to my family, and a wedding to look forward to. Yes my professional ambitions seem to be regressing, but my professional mindset has yet to settle and every day I learn a new trade or trick to excel. It is putting these to use which seems to be the problem for me, but every now and then I have a good day or two in a row and get a lot of things done. Yes, they are around the apartment or just a simple of balancing the checkbooks but they show that I am accomplishing something. I just need to keep moving forward with this momentum, and I think an internship is the best way to go at this point. It won’t guarantee me a job, or even a prospect of one, but it will be a change of pace from my normal routine and that may be just what I need to get things moving again.
I do have a few screenplay ideas as well, and now that these applications are finished I can actually work on them during the evenings, that is when I don’t lose myself in a movie or video game. But distractions aside, New York hasn’t been all that I wanted it to be, but that doesn’t mean it still can’t be what I expected it to become. What that is I am still trying to experience and find out, but so far there isn’t much to live up to. I just hope there is more out there than this for me…
People laugh and cry all on one street, the scream in fear and shout in excitement, day and night, morning and evening. This city never stops moving and doesn’t seem to show any signs of slowing down. I never imagined it could be the way it is until I actually lived it, or drowned in it. I worked and slept, ate when I could and tried to have hobbies but all in all the last five months were just lost time in a city that swallows anything and everything that succumbs to it.
I can’t say I was part of the madness that is New York, but I was in it. What I mean is that I wasn’t one of the people that looks for a muse and preys on all that presents itself. But I like to think of myself as a muse, and was looking for something to present itself to me when in actuality I was being presented. It was a feast for the ages, I gave everything to a grocery store that promised things which it couldn’t deliver. Four months of nothing to show except a high profit margin and increased sales, but that doesn’t apply to me so much as it does my boss who actually managed to do very little work aside from the ordering of merchandise and scheduling of employees for our department. It makes me wonder why I even bothered trying so hard as if there was some light at the end of the tunnel. I thought there would be, but now the holidays are over and the only light I can see is the brief glimmer of sun on occasion if I happen to walk down the right street during the day and it isn’t cloudy.
That last paragraph is me in a nutshell over the last five months, and it is embarrassing to summarize myself in such short context, but in truth I would only be kidding myself if I tried to add things to it. I did work a day on a film set, which turned out to be a bad idea because I was getting in a similar environment where I do all the work but then can’t be in the room when the camera starts rolling. I also filled out a handful of applications for graduate schools and a program for the Director’s Guild of America, and I did a lot of writing for these but it really was exhausting and now I am in the waiting stages for this process so I don’t have much to show or be proud of except a few documents and ideas. All that and nothing more, encompassing five months in a city that doesn’t sleep. I myself have been getting relatively good sleep, but I think I need to sacrifice some of that so that I can get more done with my time because I still don’t know what I am going to do with my life after this.
I will admit one thing though, this is the only city where you can physically disappear like this. It is not always a good thing, but every now and then I just walk around the busy streets and listen to other people’s problems and realize that maybe my life isn’t so terrible. This therapy is very conducive, and it makes me forget about what I was fretting over, and I have the city to thank for it. It doesn’t quite solve my problems, but it allows me to move on from them by realizing my faults.
After all, I have my health and connections to my family, and a wedding to look forward to. Yes my professional ambitions seem to be regressing, but my professional mindset has yet to settle and every day I learn a new trade or trick to excel. It is putting these to use which seems to be the problem for me, but every now and then I have a good day or two in a row and get a lot of things done. Yes, they are around the apartment or just a simple of balancing the checkbooks but they show that I am accomplishing something. I just need to keep moving forward with this momentum, and I think an internship is the best way to go at this point. It won’t guarantee me a job, or even a prospect of one, but it will be a change of pace from my normal routine and that may be just what I need to get things moving again.
I do have a few screenplay ideas as well, and now that these applications are finished I can actually work on them during the evenings, that is when I don’t lose myself in a movie or video game. But distractions aside, New York hasn’t been all that I wanted it to be, but that doesn’t mean it still can’t be what I expected it to become. What that is I am still trying to experience and find out, but so far there isn’t much to live up to. I just hope there is more out there than this for me…
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
