How old is your mind

I never really wondered what actually makes people act neurotic as they age because I grew up with two grandmothers and one grandfather in addition to two great-grandmothers in a Jewish family. My entire childhood revolved around the critique of others and that I should remain patient and understanding because I still had my youth. To me, this was the way things were, and they remained that way as I matured because even to this day I still have one grandmother, not to mention the my parents are now grandparents. This is how I was raised, not by a book of rules or obligations, but from the thoughts of others. I took it all in, straight through college, waiting for someone to direct me or explain what I was doing wrong.
By the time I officially moved out, my last year of college as an undergrad, I was looking for an escape to see all that I had missed. For me, college was the time to learn on my own, it was at a set pace but I could do things without those opinions that I became so accustomed to, because in college a professor could fail you without hesitation. Everything up to that point I had the protection of my family to oversee what I did, although lately the protection has seemed more like defending.
It was during college that I also met my fiance, again without those opinions to guide me, but only at first. It was wonderful to actually get out on my own and just do as I wanted, with the exception of one opinion that is.

I was quite surprised to get invited along with her family for a Spring trip to Sanibel Island in Florida a little over a year into our relationship, but what is there not to love about going from Minnesota to Florida in the early Spring? We stayed at a resort right on the ocean front, but our arrival was at midnight and not a lot can be seen or done aside from a walk on the beach. We did discover a Dairy Queen and a Taco Bell on the overpass to Fort Myers, but the island itself was described and discussed in the same way up to this point, small but quaint.
Everything is accessible by bike, and without a big-box retailer I began to wonder how unique this trip would be. However, my mind was too at ease right away, you could skip to the ocean and walk everywhere if need be.
It wasn't until our first meal out that I noticed how many senior citizens were around. It should have been obvious to me up to this point, it's March for crying out loud. It was a little strange because the island seemed a little more family oriented, but then it hit me. The grandparents owned the land and invited their families to vacation there. When they are not around they rent out their place to tourists looking for a break or they run away for a week. I began to notice their white hair and slow movement at bars, in the pool, on the balconies, in the sand, front desks, gift shops, and especially restaurants. I couldn't miss them when I realized what I got into, this was my childhood all over again, only from an outsiders perspective.
If I dropped a pin they would scowl, because everything seems to offend or annoy an elderly person. The television is too loud, or not loud enough, no more towels in the bathroom, the sun is too bright, its windy outside. These were the things I was overhearing because my mind was taught to focus on them very early in life. Consequently, I noticed that Jewish people have elderly tendencies, but that's another story. I learned as a child that nothing slips past them without some kind of opinion or comment, usually delayed, and it goes for strangers and family alike.
Being amongst this atmosphere once again I tried to analyze when in a person's life does this gene kick in, why do the elderly get to make other people's lives miserable all the time? I tried to understand how complaining makes things seem evident to them and even though they usually require assistance they insist on doing things their way.
I also pondered how the elderly attained seniority in the digital age which has actually outgrown them. Is society at fault if it fails its most profitable consumers? How did we advance our advancements without taking the time to catch up with those who needed an extra hand?
I tried to answer these thoughts by watching others, embodying what I observed, and acting like someone else. This is how I came to understand senior citizens so if I became one maybe I would be able to figure them out. These people were all strangers to me, and I didn't care what they did in life, but I was beginning to stare at them like I knew what their life was missing. At first I thought 'who am I to judge them' but soon arrived at 'who are they to ruin their lives?'
They budge in lines thinking its part of their discount, they cut off your sentences because to them what you think doesn't matter, and they do everything slower than you yet make you adjust and wait on them. In truth, there is no way to explain how this came to be, everyone just became more adamant than they use to be at some point.
The only thing that I could make sense of is that as people age they lose control of things in their life and force themselves to try and take it back. As we age we think of our past, what we learned and how, eventually passing this knowledge onto others. The only problem is that we all have complete control of our lives at some point, and that is slowly taken away from us as our children grow up. At eighteen we go off relatively on our own, and learn without the guidance of our guardians. It is at this point that our parents are forced to look for something new to control.
Over the course of our lives we change wardrobes to better suit our lifestyle, we pick up hobbies to stay entertained, and we spend money to make ourselves feel happy. However, through all of this we grow old, and these types of changes that we force upon ourselves are actually an attempt to trick our minds into thinking we are younger than we eluded.
In the end, that loss of control is what senior citizens are taking out on others. So if you see someone going through this process in life, let it be because one day it will be you doing the same.

Soundtrack to my life

I heard about this a while back, but nothing really amounted from it aside from the thought of how I could make it all up and enjoy what I hear for the right reasons. I know the idea is that the play list is suppose to be random and you fill in the blanks with what comes up on your MP3, but what intrigued me from the beginning of this was how you could customize your play list to match your mood, which is what I did here. What I leave you with is the soundtrack to my life, a selection of songs from my play list that I think fit the mood which I would be in during these situations.
I limited myself to the music on my playlist, and was careful to only use an artist once. It was quite tricky to put the stamp of approval on this, but I finally did it to my liking.

The soundtrack to my life

Opening Credits: “Nell” by Humanboy
Waking up: “Mushaboom” by Feist
Falling in love: “My Funny Valentine” by Chet Baker
Shower scene: “Look After You” by The Fray
Fight song: “Haunt You Every Day” by Weezer
Breaking up: “Tears Dry On Their Own” by Amy Winehouse
Prom: “Mr. Brightside” by The Killers
Life is ok: “Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da” by The Beatles
Mental breakdown: “Go or Go Ahead” by Rufus Wainwright
Driving: “Roadhouse Blues” by the Doors
Sex scene: “Turn Me On” by Norah Jones
Flashback: “Summer of 69” by Bryan Adams
Getting back together: “Can’t Stop” by Martin Sexton
Wedding: “Embraceable You” by Frank Sinatra
Birth of a child: “Sons and Daughters” by The Decemberists
Final battle: “2+2=5” by Radiohead
Death song: “Elephant” by Damien Rice
Funeral song: “Forever My Friend” by Ray LaMontagne
End Credits: “Either Way” by Wilco

For those of you who are intrigued and looking to hear what it all could sound like feel free to contact me and I will make a CD for you. However, the price is that you submit to me a copy of what you would choose for each track so that I have the insights to your thoughts as well.

No Country For Old Men

I never thought I movie could engulf me to the extent this did about a subject that doesn't quite make any sense to begin with. At no point is there a summary of what happened up to the beginning, common for the Coen brothers, but so much is left unsaid leading up to the point of origin. There is a mass murder over drugs in the middle of a desert, supposively committed by Javier Bardem's chilling adaptation of Anton Chiguhr, and the purse winds up in the unlikely hands of a lonesome veteran, Josh Brolin as Llewelyn Moss, who was out deer hunting. He crosses paths with an injured dog that leads him to the scene and more carnage than usualy for the Coen brothers so early in a film. It isn't until he returns to the location that night for further inspection that he actually gets involved with the person suposively behind the act.
From there it is a suspense driven chew you up and spit you out gem to the Coen brother's crown that keeps growing. Javier Bardem is one of most chilling and gruesome killers to show up on screen since Hannibal Lector, and Josh Brolin does amazing as the guy that keeps finding the wrong place to hide. Not to bad from a guy that supposively showed up on set the first day and was asked 'where is your father?' (I guess James Brolin was intended for the part, but there was an error in communication and Josh signed the contract). Quite a film on a number of levels, and nobody can kill quite like the Coen brothers.
I'm sure that a glance at the novel by Corman McCarthy which the film is based on will lead into a more in depth analysis of the dream sequences that kept the audience talking as they looked for their cars afterwards. It truly is something out of a nightmare which could only be imagined from a Vietnam veteran.

American Gangster

As promised, I will begin to review movies as I see fit. The intention of this is to remind myself why I liked or disliked a film, educate the public about my taste in the cinema, but mostly to keep a database of the films I have seen. I am proud to announce the first film for this new addition is Ridley Scott's 'American Gangster' (2007).

Denzel Washington plays the druglord Frank Lucas, always looking for a way to cut out the middleman, while Russell Crowe plays Detective Richie Roberts, a divorced ladies man trying to do good by way of his job rather than his morals. They are pitted against eachother, creating the most powerful weapon New York has ever seen; an honest, hard working, citizen trying to do good for a place they want to call home.
To me, Ridley is trying too hard to be a director that audiences want to appreciate with this film. There are a lot of things that people want to get out of movies, but none of them were a staple of his films prior to 'Gladiator'. It was as if he put everything he had into a movie, which won best picture and actor but not director, and he left feeling more drained than Frank Lucas' pockets at the end of 'Americna Gangster'.
It wasn't suppose to be this way, he was onto great things with questionable topics, heros/heroines, and beautiful establishing shots yet he fell short when he layed it all on the table. Don't get me wrong, 'Gladiator' was great, on my all time top-five, but Ridley lost something in that movie. It was almost like the death of Maximus and the hand-over of Rome to the public changed Ridley's view on films. I think a part of him dies with that movie, and he has been searching for it ever since.
Sadly, 'American Gangster' doesn't bring me back to the director I once knew but still love, although it is quite enjoyable and the screenplay is as addicting as 'blue magic'. It's great to think that these characters are trying to clean up a city they know and love, but I got the feeling from the ending that neither was welcome there anymore. In the end I felt exhausted from the build up of a criminal that became a hero, it was too much to take and I couldn't relate to a character switch like that so late in a film.

Thanksgiving Continued

Sorry about the last one, thoughts just lost feeling and its hard for me to write without emotion.
Back to Thanksgiving, I view it as a time to be with those you both love and can't stand. There is a lot of history to this for me, and I'm sure a lot of people would agree, but I get really excited about a family gathering for a holiday or birthday because I get to catch up with those I love. Yet by the end of the event I am wondering why I even bothered to show up because all the things that I dislike about my family come back to me full-force and all I can do is swallow my thoughts with an empty expression.
But this year it was a little different in a number of ways. For starters I was with my Fiancee's family in Rochester, not my first Thanksgiving there either. They are always warm and welcoming, treating me to numerous vegetarian options and always asking if I need anything when they go out. There is a lot of history here as well, but for me it is like seeing the world through a new pair of eyes because to all of these people I am guest in their house. I know who they are, as they do me, and I have dealt with their conflicts as a mediator, but when it comes to visiting them, be it a holiday or just for a weekend in the city, they always have open arms and hearts. It got me wondering if it is on purpose or expected of them.
My family and I do the same when guests are around, well some of my family may forget this courtesy or refuses to acknowledge it. This is one of the reasons that I think my family is one of a kind, but currently off subject. The idea of hosting a guest or guests always brings out a different personality in people that normally doesn't exist. These are people that they know, and maybe trust, visiting them, and all that a host can do is smile and say 'you're welcome'. After this Thanksgiving I realized the secret to happiness during the holidays lay in being a guest at house somewhat unknown to you. I'm not talking going door to door here, just giving up a holiday with your family for someone close to you. The hospitality will always be plesant, the food will be pleanty, and the attention will be directed towards you if you commit yourself to conversation.
That being said, if you find yourself dreading this coming holiday you should consider going away from the family that knows you all too well for the family that wants to know you more.

Well, the holiday has come and gone and with it goes another few hundred bucks towards good deals. I have to admit, I never really bought into the 'black friday' persona, most of the dicounts are not worth the effort of waking up at 4 AM, but then again when people see ads or signs about big sales or free stuff they will come with their hands flailing.
I made my apperance in the Rochester scene at 9 AM, mostly to see what its all about but also to build my music collection, which I did quite well with. The stores were not that busy at that point, nothing worse than a weekend trip, and the lines to checkout were quite small. Given there were a few dozen registers, but the idea is still the same. You come in looking for something in particular, you might get sidetracked along the way with a display or new release, and wind up leaving feeling confident that you spent your money and time well. I can't say my time was spent well during my visits to big-box franchises but I can say that I am a little wiser from it all. The experience will stick with me for some time, and in the end that is what matters most, not a few sales or money saved. If you think about it in opposites, you could be that much happier with the money you spent in your pocket and the time saved, but advertising does some strange things to us all.
Thanksgiving is the holiday to give thanks, and I tried to do this for myself after the fact on my own but only wound up with my health and happiness. Thats all you need when you really think about it, but I began to wonder what some people really are thankful for on Thanksgiving. Food on their plate, a job promotion, a roof over your head, new toys/gadgets, maybe good grades in school. All of the things I came up with are more related to people succeeding or reveling in their own accomplishments.
I'm sorry about this, but sometimes my thoughts are a little behind my hands, and what seems potent is running dry. I do have a few topics to discuss, but will continue them on another post due to the lack of personal touches in the writing. Apologies

Hello there, Matt here logging for the first of many enounters I hope to have. Just thought I would get things started by saying hey, who would have thought it was this easy to publish personal thoughts. When I think of all the time I wasted using a journal, or trying to convert ideas to stories when I could have been typing things out on here and have the world sort them out for me. All right, its not quite that easy, and I did ponder breaking out the HTML books as a refresher, but this is a start, and that counts for something. Maybe in the near future I could show my talents and get some attention with creative web design.
Add that to a degree in architecture as well as film studies with an interest in film production and you have me. I could break it down more than that, but I don't have the time, and I don't think anyone would really care enough to read it.
So this is what I'm worth these days, a few paragraphs when I can spare the time. Not too bad when you break it down like that, life really is just words that we take for granted and certain. What I'm trying to do with them is start something unique, like you never heard that before. What I want is to write what I feel and share it with those who want to listen. If thats not you, or if you couldn't care less, then you wouldn't get this far, but you obviously do so expect great things.
For years I carried around a small notebook and recorded my unusual thoughts, dreams, even quotes. Occasionally I added a few professional quotes form textbooks or articles, but overall I filled this thing with ideas and problems. In a sense I was my own shrink, it helped that I learned about psychoanalysis, and could start something in rage and end it with peace. I was in complete control of my mind, which really is the most powerful weapon around when at a calm. Eventually I developed a new understading of how to relax and have been coasting through problem after problem with ease.
I use the word problem because I have yet to really accomplish something with my life. Since I graduated college I have been pursuing a career in writing, this is a broad approach since I'll take what I can get, but my focus is screenplays. From time to time I write an article about something in the news or a movie that I think needs a second glance, such as No Country For Old Men. Every now and then I finish a short story or outline and think it could be worth something. But in the end they just amount to dead space on my computer. To remedy that I was hoping that some of these things could get used by others, or maybe even completed.
That is what I intend to do with you, take advantage of your free time and use your thoughts to further our careers. As I upload things feel free to comment as you see fit, or even add on to what seems to be missing. I'll do my best to leave them either open-ended or close-minded