How old is your mind

I never really wondered what actually makes people act neurotic as they age because I grew up with two grandmothers and one grandfather in addition to two great-grandmothers in a Jewish family. My entire childhood revolved around the critique of others and that I should remain patient and understanding because I still had my youth. To me, this was the way things were, and they remained that way as I matured because even to this day I still have one grandmother, not to mention the my parents are now grandparents. This is how I was raised, not by a book of rules or obligations, but from the thoughts of others. I took it all in, straight through college, waiting for someone to direct me or explain what I was doing wrong.
By the time I officially moved out, my last year of college as an undergrad, I was looking for an escape to see all that I had missed. For me, college was the time to learn on my own, it was at a set pace but I could do things without those opinions that I became so accustomed to, because in college a professor could fail you without hesitation. Everything up to that point I had the protection of my family to oversee what I did, although lately the protection has seemed more like defending.
It was during college that I also met my fiance, again without those opinions to guide me, but only at first. It was wonderful to actually get out on my own and just do as I wanted, with the exception of one opinion that is.

I was quite surprised to get invited along with her family for a Spring trip to Sanibel Island in Florida a little over a year into our relationship, but what is there not to love about going from Minnesota to Florida in the early Spring? We stayed at a resort right on the ocean front, but our arrival was at midnight and not a lot can be seen or done aside from a walk on the beach. We did discover a Dairy Queen and a Taco Bell on the overpass to Fort Myers, but the island itself was described and discussed in the same way up to this point, small but quaint.
Everything is accessible by bike, and without a big-box retailer I began to wonder how unique this trip would be. However, my mind was too at ease right away, you could skip to the ocean and walk everywhere if need be.
It wasn't until our first meal out that I noticed how many senior citizens were around. It should have been obvious to me up to this point, it's March for crying out loud. It was a little strange because the island seemed a little more family oriented, but then it hit me. The grandparents owned the land and invited their families to vacation there. When they are not around they rent out their place to tourists looking for a break or they run away for a week. I began to notice their white hair and slow movement at bars, in the pool, on the balconies, in the sand, front desks, gift shops, and especially restaurants. I couldn't miss them when I realized what I got into, this was my childhood all over again, only from an outsiders perspective.
If I dropped a pin they would scowl, because everything seems to offend or annoy an elderly person. The television is too loud, or not loud enough, no more towels in the bathroom, the sun is too bright, its windy outside. These were the things I was overhearing because my mind was taught to focus on them very early in life. Consequently, I noticed that Jewish people have elderly tendencies, but that's another story. I learned as a child that nothing slips past them without some kind of opinion or comment, usually delayed, and it goes for strangers and family alike.
Being amongst this atmosphere once again I tried to analyze when in a person's life does this gene kick in, why do the elderly get to make other people's lives miserable all the time? I tried to understand how complaining makes things seem evident to them and even though they usually require assistance they insist on doing things their way.
I also pondered how the elderly attained seniority in the digital age which has actually outgrown them. Is society at fault if it fails its most profitable consumers? How did we advance our advancements without taking the time to catch up with those who needed an extra hand?
I tried to answer these thoughts by watching others, embodying what I observed, and acting like someone else. This is how I came to understand senior citizens so if I became one maybe I would be able to figure them out. These people were all strangers to me, and I didn't care what they did in life, but I was beginning to stare at them like I knew what their life was missing. At first I thought 'who am I to judge them' but soon arrived at 'who are they to ruin their lives?'
They budge in lines thinking its part of their discount, they cut off your sentences because to them what you think doesn't matter, and they do everything slower than you yet make you adjust and wait on them. In truth, there is no way to explain how this came to be, everyone just became more adamant than they use to be at some point.
The only thing that I could make sense of is that as people age they lose control of things in their life and force themselves to try and take it back. As we age we think of our past, what we learned and how, eventually passing this knowledge onto others. The only problem is that we all have complete control of our lives at some point, and that is slowly taken away from us as our children grow up. At eighteen we go off relatively on our own, and learn without the guidance of our guardians. It is at this point that our parents are forced to look for something new to control.
Over the course of our lives we change wardrobes to better suit our lifestyle, we pick up hobbies to stay entertained, and we spend money to make ourselves feel happy. However, through all of this we grow old, and these types of changes that we force upon ourselves are actually an attempt to trick our minds into thinking we are younger than we eluded.
In the end, that loss of control is what senior citizens are taking out on others. So if you see someone going through this process in life, let it be because one day it will be you doing the same.

Soundtrack to my life

I heard about this a while back, but nothing really amounted from it aside from the thought of how I could make it all up and enjoy what I hear for the right reasons. I know the idea is that the play list is suppose to be random and you fill in the blanks with what comes up on your MP3, but what intrigued me from the beginning of this was how you could customize your play list to match your mood, which is what I did here. What I leave you with is the soundtrack to my life, a selection of songs from my play list that I think fit the mood which I would be in during these situations.
I limited myself to the music on my playlist, and was careful to only use an artist once. It was quite tricky to put the stamp of approval on this, but I finally did it to my liking.

The soundtrack to my life

Opening Credits: “Nell” by Humanboy
Waking up: “Mushaboom” by Feist
Falling in love: “My Funny Valentine” by Chet Baker
Shower scene: “Look After You” by The Fray
Fight song: “Haunt You Every Day” by Weezer
Breaking up: “Tears Dry On Their Own” by Amy Winehouse
Prom: “Mr. Brightside” by The Killers
Life is ok: “Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da” by The Beatles
Mental breakdown: “Go or Go Ahead” by Rufus Wainwright
Driving: “Roadhouse Blues” by the Doors
Sex scene: “Turn Me On” by Norah Jones
Flashback: “Summer of 69” by Bryan Adams
Getting back together: “Can’t Stop” by Martin Sexton
Wedding: “Embraceable You” by Frank Sinatra
Birth of a child: “Sons and Daughters” by The Decemberists
Final battle: “2+2=5” by Radiohead
Death song: “Elephant” by Damien Rice
Funeral song: “Forever My Friend” by Ray LaMontagne
End Credits: “Either Way” by Wilco

For those of you who are intrigued and looking to hear what it all could sound like feel free to contact me and I will make a CD for you. However, the price is that you submit to me a copy of what you would choose for each track so that I have the insights to your thoughts as well.