What is it about this city that just drowns out the people in it? All the noise, commotion, movement, electricity just loses its potency with time. I’m not talking about weeks, or even days, and hour in this city is like a month in Minnesota time. The ebb and flow of it all is exhausting when you actually pay attention to it and I am starting to wonder what became of the time that affects this.
People laugh and cry all on one street, the scream in fear and shout in excitement, day and night, morning and evening. This city never stops moving and doesn’t seem to show any signs of slowing down. I never imagined it could be the way it is until I actually lived it, or drowned in it. I worked and slept, ate when I could and tried to have hobbies but all in all the last five months were just lost time in a city that swallows anything and everything that succumbs to it.
I can’t say I was part of the madness that is New York, but I was in it. What I mean is that I wasn’t one of the people that looks for a muse and preys on all that presents itself. But I like to think of myself as a muse, and was looking for something to present itself to me when in actuality I was being presented. It was a feast for the ages, I gave everything to a grocery store that promised things which it couldn’t deliver. Four months of nothing to show except a high profit margin and increased sales, but that doesn’t apply to me so much as it does my boss who actually managed to do very little work aside from the ordering of merchandise and scheduling of employees for our department. It makes me wonder why I even bothered trying so hard as if there was some light at the end of the tunnel. I thought there would be, but now the holidays are over and the only light I can see is the brief glimmer of sun on occasion if I happen to walk down the right street during the day and it isn’t cloudy.
That last paragraph is me in a nutshell over the last five months, and it is embarrassing to summarize myself in such short context, but in truth I would only be kidding myself if I tried to add things to it. I did work a day on a film set, which turned out to be a bad idea because I was getting in a similar environment where I do all the work but then can’t be in the room when the camera starts rolling. I also filled out a handful of applications for graduate schools and a program for the Director’s Guild of America, and I did a lot of writing for these but it really was exhausting and now I am in the waiting stages for this process so I don’t have much to show or be proud of except a few documents and ideas. All that and nothing more, encompassing five months in a city that doesn’t sleep. I myself have been getting relatively good sleep, but I think I need to sacrifice some of that so that I can get more done with my time because I still don’t know what I am going to do with my life after this.
I will admit one thing though, this is the only city where you can physically disappear like this. It is not always a good thing, but every now and then I just walk around the busy streets and listen to other people’s problems and realize that maybe my life isn’t so terrible. This therapy is very conducive, and it makes me forget about what I was fretting over, and I have the city to thank for it. It doesn’t quite solve my problems, but it allows me to move on from them by realizing my faults.
After all, I have my health and connections to my family, and a wedding to look forward to. Yes my professional ambitions seem to be regressing, but my professional mindset has yet to settle and every day I learn a new trade or trick to excel. It is putting these to use which seems to be the problem for me, but every now and then I have a good day or two in a row and get a lot of things done. Yes, they are around the apartment or just a simple of balancing the checkbooks but they show that I am accomplishing something. I just need to keep moving forward with this momentum, and I think an internship is the best way to go at this point. It won’t guarantee me a job, or even a prospect of one, but it will be a change of pace from my normal routine and that may be just what I need to get things moving again.
I do have a few screenplay ideas as well, and now that these applications are finished I can actually work on them during the evenings, that is when I don’t lose myself in a movie or video game. But distractions aside, New York hasn’t been all that I wanted it to be, but that doesn’t mean it still can’t be what I expected it to become. What that is I am still trying to experience and find out, but so far there isn’t much to live up to. I just hope there is more out there than this for me…
Saturday, January 24, 2009
Sunday, December 14, 2008
up to date
I really wanted to keep writing, I really did. In fact I have been, only not posting it because the writing I am doing is for graduate school applications. It has been invigorating and excruciating for the same reasons, being the topics and the outlooks of them. It is strange, at one point I felt that all of these samples were amazing in their scope and structure, but come deadline time I couldn't admit they were finished for the fear that my creativity wasn't quite yet conveyed. Needless to say I did some rewrites, which is a good thing in the long run, and some thinking about my abilities as a writer and felt that I can make it as I am.
Looking back at the recent box office records I tried to fathom how a movie like "Four Christmases" can bring in nearly $100 million in its first three weeks whereas something like the heartfelt and highly award buzzing "Slumdog Millionaire" can barely get attention in its second month. I know about promotions and word of mouth advertising, but why do some families take their kids out to see one film verses another. Is it about the popularity or the believability? Because on one hand there is something about a child going home and thinking about growing up to be something or someone based on a movie, but it is completely different when they come home and imagine flying or having superpowers.
What I am trying to say is, the writing of a film is all about marketing. When a studio sees a script their first thoughts before reading it are 'who is going to see this movie'. Other thoughts come up like 'when will it be released' and 'who could we cast for the part' but the audience is key and without it the film wouldn't exist. So what is it that makes a film successful at the box office? I strongly believe that the most important character behind this is casting. Track records live for actors, directors, and producers and they use it in their trailers to get people interested. This is why a film with Vince Vaughn and Reese Witherspoon can garner as much as it did while Danny Boyle is left pondering personal triumph.
But all this aside, I recently read an old article from the times featuring short blurbs from famous directors and actors about what their favourite holiday films are and why based on what occurs during their holiday. I was Glad to see "Die Hard" in there, but sad that nobody admitted the "2046" was their choice. For me it is the quintessential holiday movie because it captures the essence of what everyone hopes for on the holidays, love. Some people get it, others don't, but we all strive for it at the holidays and this movie proves it in a number of ways. Yes, there are undertones and it isn't exactly a family friendly movie, but if you want to know what you really need for the holidays this movie will tell you.
I bring this up because recently I have been spending the holidays with my fiance, switching between both mine and her families, but I have thought of them more for the Christmas aspect. This is because my family has been changing the dates for Hanuakah based on when people will be available, which I feel takes away from the actual spirit, while Christmas is all about December 24th and 25th.
What I am getting at is this will be the first time I celebrate the holidays alone, in New York. Suzanne will be back in the cities, and my family will wait for me to celebrate, but the whole holiday feeling will be quite different for me this year because I will actually be alone. Yes I will have "2046" to console me and I may even grace the actual date with a "Die hard" showing, but I will actually celebrate alone. This is a first for me, and now I can say I have experienced this feeling from both ends, which will teach me to be a better person based on what I have learned from "2046".
I hope everyone has a good holidays with their families this year and appreciates their time with them. It is special and something you should enjoy, even if you can only stand the people you are with for an extended time. It comes once a year and it is always good to catch up with them, so enjoy it while you have it.
Looking back at the recent box office records I tried to fathom how a movie like "Four Christmases" can bring in nearly $100 million in its first three weeks whereas something like the heartfelt and highly award buzzing "Slumdog Millionaire" can barely get attention in its second month. I know about promotions and word of mouth advertising, but why do some families take their kids out to see one film verses another. Is it about the popularity or the believability? Because on one hand there is something about a child going home and thinking about growing up to be something or someone based on a movie, but it is completely different when they come home and imagine flying or having superpowers.
What I am trying to say is, the writing of a film is all about marketing. When a studio sees a script their first thoughts before reading it are 'who is going to see this movie'. Other thoughts come up like 'when will it be released' and 'who could we cast for the part' but the audience is key and without it the film wouldn't exist. So what is it that makes a film successful at the box office? I strongly believe that the most important character behind this is casting. Track records live for actors, directors, and producers and they use it in their trailers to get people interested. This is why a film with Vince Vaughn and Reese Witherspoon can garner as much as it did while Danny Boyle is left pondering personal triumph.
But all this aside, I recently read an old article from the times featuring short blurbs from famous directors and actors about what their favourite holiday films are and why based on what occurs during their holiday. I was Glad to see "Die Hard" in there, but sad that nobody admitted the "2046" was their choice. For me it is the quintessential holiday movie because it captures the essence of what everyone hopes for on the holidays, love. Some people get it, others don't, but we all strive for it at the holidays and this movie proves it in a number of ways. Yes, there are undertones and it isn't exactly a family friendly movie, but if you want to know what you really need for the holidays this movie will tell you.
I bring this up because recently I have been spending the holidays with my fiance, switching between both mine and her families, but I have thought of them more for the Christmas aspect. This is because my family has been changing the dates for Hanuakah based on when people will be available, which I feel takes away from the actual spirit, while Christmas is all about December 24th and 25th.
What I am getting at is this will be the first time I celebrate the holidays alone, in New York. Suzanne will be back in the cities, and my family will wait for me to celebrate, but the whole holiday feeling will be quite different for me this year because I will actually be alone. Yes I will have "2046" to console me and I may even grace the actual date with a "Die hard" showing, but I will actually celebrate alone. This is a first for me, and now I can say I have experienced this feeling from both ends, which will teach me to be a better person based on what I have learned from "2046".
I hope everyone has a good holidays with their families this year and appreciates their time with them. It is special and something you should enjoy, even if you can only stand the people you are with for an extended time. It comes once a year and it is always good to catch up with them, so enjoy it while you have it.
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Choke
It starts off like you would expect a Palahniuk story to, with sex, only this time it's in a support group about sex, which in turn leads to the act at hand. Victor can't seem to escape his inner demons, only truly revealed in the book, so he uses sex as his vice to keep himself numb. Numb from dropping out of medical school, numb from working at a colonial reenactment facility, numb from choking at restaurants and asking the people who save him for money, numb from his mother suffering from dementia, numb from paying off the bills for her stay at St. Anthony's, numb from confessing to all the complaints of the residents there. You get the idea, his life sucks so he buries himself in the one thing that can make him forget all the problems in his life.
He even admits that smelling a rose will never compare to having an orgasm, and to him that is all too true. But this all comes to a halt when he first sees Dr. Marshall and doesn't picture her naked, unlike all the other women in the film up to this point.
What she gives him is a chance to break free from the void, a life before all these problems, and before his childhood growing up with a sociopath and foster parents. But when he finally gets the chance to do what he wants, literally, he can't get it up with her and this provides the structure for the film. It is supposively to save his mother's life, which he doesn't want to do, but he contunues to try.
All in all I thought it was as fun as a movie about a Palahniuk story can be, yet missing a key piece to keep his readers interested. Don't get me wrong, the book is great, but the movie digreses from the restaurant scenes and doesn't really hit on the true character that is Vincent. It lacked the modesty and details that make the overall story complete, but the twist is killer and bound to make the whole thing worthwhile. However, be advised that the witty comments are only half as good spoken from Sam Rockwell, he embodies this character but there are twice as many in the real medium.
He even admits that smelling a rose will never compare to having an orgasm, and to him that is all too true. But this all comes to a halt when he first sees Dr. Marshall and doesn't picture her naked, unlike all the other women in the film up to this point.
What she gives him is a chance to break free from the void, a life before all these problems, and before his childhood growing up with a sociopath and foster parents. But when he finally gets the chance to do what he wants, literally, he can't get it up with her and this provides the structure for the film. It is supposively to save his mother's life, which he doesn't want to do, but he contunues to try.
All in all I thought it was as fun as a movie about a Palahniuk story can be, yet missing a key piece to keep his readers interested. Don't get me wrong, the book is great, but the movie digreses from the restaurant scenes and doesn't really hit on the true character that is Vincent. It lacked the modesty and details that make the overall story complete, but the twist is killer and bound to make the whole thing worthwhile. However, be advised that the witty comments are only half as good spoken from Sam Rockwell, he embodies this character but there are twice as many in the real medium.
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
writer's bloq?
Why has writing become such a tedious and overbearing task in life. I took a few months off to prepare for the move to New York so I am out of practice, but I am at a loss for work. All I can do is jot down ideas, and they have grown to become more than I can bear, no longer are they comprehendable as individual stories, I view them as part of a greater story that resembles somewhat of a masterpiece. Only I can't seem to get that project going either, now my focus is drawn to those details and how I need more of them before the project can get underway.
It is exhausting, and it wasn't what I wanted to get involved in. My idea was that the little thoughts would each be a story in their own which I could elaborate on in the future. So I am trying to make the future seem present, and in doing so I lose focus on my original thought to make it a grander idea.
Even this post was intended to be a long drawn out entry on how I have lost my interest in writing, yet I feel as if the point has been made. My whole adult life I wanted to express myself with words and here I am selling myself short once again. I hope this turns around soon.
It is exhausting, and it wasn't what I wanted to get involved in. My idea was that the little thoughts would each be a story in their own which I could elaborate on in the future. So I am trying to make the future seem present, and in doing so I lose focus on my original thought to make it a grander idea.
Even this post was intended to be a long drawn out entry on how I have lost my interest in writing, yet I feel as if the point has been made. My whole adult life I wanted to express myself with words and here I am selling myself short once again. I hope this turns around soon.
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
The Killer Within
Don't read too much into the title, I know its been a while and people would probably jump to conclusions since the move to New York. And after this entry you will probably think 'he has really lost it.' But I assure you, it is still just me and this is all a coincidence.
I finally watched 'American Psycho' after many requests from friends and it captivated me. I really was sucked into the premise and the Patrick (Christian Bale) character for a number of reasons. One - he has everything he will ever need in life, so naturally his mind will crave more than he can get. Two - he plots the murders out with extreme detail, yet doesn't care about the bodies being found/discovered because in a way he actually wants to get caught. Three - Playing off the last, getting caught is the added adventure for him because not only is he craving more but he is now planning his schedule to evade people like the police or his finace to avoid getting caught, yet he continually finds himself with them and keeps finding a way out of things at the last second.
I really enjoyed it for the effectiveness of its motifs, the obsessions with a musician's background or the lyrics to a song, and how they played on each of the victims. In a way, I haven't felt this way about a movie since I saw 'Mr. Brooks', which is essentially a more modern version of this film, which I saw again by chance a few days back so it was fresh in my mind. This one is more of a William Hurt show than a movie, but I think it was the most underestimated movie of the year.
There is just something about them that sets them apart from the rest, it is poetry with weapons. Nobody claims they loved 'Silence of the Lambs', but they enjoy watching it because of the drama behind it all. How sadistic can someone be, what is going through their head that makes them act this way, why do they have to kill to function? These are the questions we ask when we see movies like this, and we watch them to distract ourselves from the world around us and the people we share it with.
Think of the new found obsession with the books or the media about fighting and death, its not that we are a part of it or want to be a part of it, but we want to know about it because we know it exists. Only now, people are getting into it deeper and deeper and the bar has been rasied because of this obsession, how much will be too much? I guess what I am getting at is that the world is a confused place, people are loving and fighting with each other every other second for the sake of closure. We want to know what is happening and see the light at the end of the tunnel, we want to get what we want in the quickest way possible, and we want to tell other people about and voice our minds when we don't get what we want or see the light. So that void grows, shifts, changes, morphs into the novels, articles, shows, movies we read and watch and it gets filled, only the more we read/watch the bigger the void gets so the bar is raised.
That is why I liked 'American Pyscho' and why I continue to like 'Mr. Brooks'
I finally watched 'American Psycho' after many requests from friends and it captivated me. I really was sucked into the premise and the Patrick (Christian Bale) character for a number of reasons. One - he has everything he will ever need in life, so naturally his mind will crave more than he can get. Two - he plots the murders out with extreme detail, yet doesn't care about the bodies being found/discovered because in a way he actually wants to get caught. Three - Playing off the last, getting caught is the added adventure for him because not only is he craving more but he is now planning his schedule to evade people like the police or his finace to avoid getting caught, yet he continually finds himself with them and keeps finding a way out of things at the last second.
I really enjoyed it for the effectiveness of its motifs, the obsessions with a musician's background or the lyrics to a song, and how they played on each of the victims. In a way, I haven't felt this way about a movie since I saw 'Mr. Brooks', which is essentially a more modern version of this film, which I saw again by chance a few days back so it was fresh in my mind. This one is more of a William Hurt show than a movie, but I think it was the most underestimated movie of the year.
There is just something about them that sets them apart from the rest, it is poetry with weapons. Nobody claims they loved 'Silence of the Lambs', but they enjoy watching it because of the drama behind it all. How sadistic can someone be, what is going through their head that makes them act this way, why do they have to kill to function? These are the questions we ask when we see movies like this, and we watch them to distract ourselves from the world around us and the people we share it with.
Think of the new found obsession with the books or the media about fighting and death, its not that we are a part of it or want to be a part of it, but we want to know about it because we know it exists. Only now, people are getting into it deeper and deeper and the bar has been rasied because of this obsession, how much will be too much? I guess what I am getting at is that the world is a confused place, people are loving and fighting with each other every other second for the sake of closure. We want to know what is happening and see the light at the end of the tunnel, we want to get what we want in the quickest way possible, and we want to tell other people about and voice our minds when we don't get what we want or see the light. So that void grows, shifts, changes, morphs into the novels, articles, shows, movies we read and watch and it gets filled, only the more we read/watch the bigger the void gets so the bar is raised.
That is why I liked 'American Pyscho' and why I continue to like 'Mr. Brooks'
Monday, April 7, 2008
Sunday, April 6, 2008
news and the like
Updates are in order, but to start I thought I could take a stab at what is happening in the world once again.
Baseball is among us again, and what fun it brings to us all. Fans rejoice over their team's offseason aquisitions and signings, yet every year this seems much more dramatic at the time than it ends up becoming. For me, I always wonder what the Twin have in store, but by the trade deadline during the season I have a pretty good idea how they will end up, and in the past decade all of the opening day hype has been forgotten by that point which uually means the Twins have mustered a mediocre eason at best. This year looks like another one for the books, with almost an entirely new lineup and pitching staff. Thats not to say they won't compete, it just means that the team will take 1/3 of the season to adjust to each other, and the last 2/3's to make up for this. Look at the Timberwolves, they did that this season, they had the worst record in the league thirty games in and now they are lucky if they get a top five draft pick in the first round next season.
All this and the Vikes still have yet to impress me with their scouting skills. Sure, they have a few prospects and the names they did sign don't really carry much of a load behind them. In all honesty, if they sign Gus Ferrott from the Bears why not give Tarvaris Jackson half a season on the sidelines so he can build up his confidence level rather than start him with hopes of the best like they did last year.
And as some of you may know, I am going to China from May 18 through June 6 with my sister to study abroad, but the main focus in the news as of late has been China's connection to Tibet and the protests/riots that have ensued because of this. One thing I would like to know is what started these incidents? Is it the culmination of the Olympics, did the Dali Lama tell his followers to be active in their beliefs, were thee people provocked in some way and they want to be heard on a national scale now? Any way it is sliced, this trip could turn out to be much more adventerous than originally planned, but at the very least I will get to see the pre-game setups which will be quite amazing.
With that all behind me now, I have to say I don't think I have ever been quite as buy as I am now. The wedding planning is quite extreme, but that comes in spurts so I can't really weigh it down too much. Classes are going well, but the workload is picking up as finals appraoch for the end of April. Work is going well, I average three mornings per week and the occasional Saturday. The move out from our place into my parent's house went pretty well, not too much planning for this unfortunately but it went over without too many hitches. And the move to New York is setting itself up well, we are going there this coming weekend to look around and set our sights on the places we will frequent when we get there.
Thats about all that is on my plate right now, looking at it as a paragraph makes it seem quite small to me, but I don't think writing it down really conveys the message properly. Needless, you get the idea, so if I seem out of the loop for the next month you can refer to one of those listings as my excuse because I may not have the time to get back to you in an orderly fashion.
I did feel like there was more to say, but when I just write what I think the little things seem to slip away. I think that is a good thing, because after a while they can add up. I leave you this time with a photo I took at night in Tortola, the camera was on a banister but when I pushed the shutter button down the whole camera tilted with it and then napped back up which caused this image to appear the way it is.
Baseball is among us again, and what fun it brings to us all. Fans rejoice over their team's offseason aquisitions and signings, yet every year this seems much more dramatic at the time than it ends up becoming. For me, I always wonder what the Twin have in store, but by the trade deadline during the season I have a pretty good idea how they will end up, and in the past decade all of the opening day hype has been forgotten by that point which uually means the Twins have mustered a mediocre eason at best. This year looks like another one for the books, with almost an entirely new lineup and pitching staff. Thats not to say they won't compete, it just means that the team will take 1/3 of the season to adjust to each other, and the last 2/3's to make up for this. Look at the Timberwolves, they did that this season, they had the worst record in the league thirty games in and now they are lucky if they get a top five draft pick in the first round next season.
All this and the Vikes still have yet to impress me with their scouting skills. Sure, they have a few prospects and the names they did sign don't really carry much of a load behind them. In all honesty, if they sign Gus Ferrott from the Bears why not give Tarvaris Jackson half a season on the sidelines so he can build up his confidence level rather than start him with hopes of the best like they did last year.
And as some of you may know, I am going to China from May 18 through June 6 with my sister to study abroad, but the main focus in the news as of late has been China's connection to Tibet and the protests/riots that have ensued because of this. One thing I would like to know is what started these incidents? Is it the culmination of the Olympics, did the Dali Lama tell his followers to be active in their beliefs, were thee people provocked in some way and they want to be heard on a national scale now? Any way it is sliced, this trip could turn out to be much more adventerous than originally planned, but at the very least I will get to see the pre-game setups which will be quite amazing.
With that all behind me now, I have to say I don't think I have ever been quite as buy as I am now. The wedding planning is quite extreme, but that comes in spurts so I can't really weigh it down too much. Classes are going well, but the workload is picking up as finals appraoch for the end of April. Work is going well, I average three mornings per week and the occasional Saturday. The move out from our place into my parent's house went pretty well, not too much planning for this unfortunately but it went over without too many hitches. And the move to New York is setting itself up well, we are going there this coming weekend to look around and set our sights on the places we will frequent when we get there.
Thats about all that is on my plate right now, looking at it as a paragraph makes it seem quite small to me, but I don't think writing it down really conveys the message properly. Needless, you get the idea, so if I seem out of the loop for the next month you can refer to one of those listings as my excuse because I may not have the time to get back to you in an orderly fashion.
I did feel like there was more to say, but when I just write what I think the little things seem to slip away. I think that is a good thing, because after a while they can add up. I leave you this time with a photo I took at night in Tortola, the camera was on a banister but when I pushed the shutter button down the whole camera tilted with it and then napped back up which caused this image to appear the way it is.
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